Here are some smart-aleck answers to questions that both I and the student wished hadn't ever been asked. These are all actual questions from actual students.
- Will this be on the test?
- Yes — otherwise, why discuss it in class? Of course, the answer is "no" if it's obviously not going to be on the test.
- Do we have to write in complete sentences?
- no, u can rite how u want — its not lik were in collige wher spelin & grammr mattrs
- I didn't come to class (on some particular day). Did we do anything important?
- No. I saw that you weren't in attendance and cancelled all of the regularly scheduled activities.
- I won't be coming to class on (some particular day). Will we be doing anything important?
- Do we ever? What we do on any day is generally no more important than any other day. If you miss a day, check the Web site and check with your friends, enemies, or random classmates to see what you missed.
- Can I have an extension on this assignment? I have been sick/will be going on a flyback/want to visit my friends/have too much other homework.
- No, you can't have an extension. You will receive a penalty of 20% for each day that your assignment is late. Be you sick, dead, afflicted with leprosy, tortured with scurvy — you take the penalty if the work doesn't get turned in.
- Are you finished grading the assignment yet?
- Yes, I finished grading the assignments and decided that I would keep them until you asked me about them. Thanks for reminding me.
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